“I didn’t want a blue car!  I wanted a red one!”

I’ve seen an increase of news on the parenting radar about a drop in children’s gratitude and an increase in their sense of entitlement.

A recent article entitled “Selfishness is Rampant” indicates that a child’s lack of gratitude is a “symptom of a greater phenomenon that psychologists, family experts, sociologists and scholars say is gripping the world.  Now, more than ever, entitlement — the idea that ‘I should get everything I want when I want it, even if I haven’t worked for it’ — is rearing its ugly head.”1

With the hustle and bustle of the holiday season comes an opportunity to shape your child’s sense of identity and giving.  Although children associate this time of year with being gift receivers, studies show that gift giving reaps the biggest psychological rewards.  As parents, we can support our children by thinking about the lessons we want our children to learn this holiday season.

Here are some quick tips to consider:

• Communicate with your spouse: Finances rank high on the marriage stressors.  Have a healthy conversation with your spouse about the amount of money to spend on each child.
• Messages and Lessons: Growing up, what messages did you receive about holiday gift giving?  What message are you currently teaching your children?  Your messages can reinforce entitlement such as “I will get everything I put on my Christmas list,” “Money is no object,” and “If I put up a fuss, I’ll get what I want.” Or, they can emphasize gratitude, such as “The holidays are more about spending time with family than receiving gifts” and “Give from the heart, not the pocket book.”
• High-End Gift Items: If you decide to purchase a high-end gift like a smart phone, iPod, computer, or car, consider including a signed agreement on responsible use of the item.  This could include when and how the item is to be used, who will be paying for additional expenses (for example:  data plan, minutes, internet usage, special applications, iTunes account, insurance, gas, maintenance fees, etc.), as well as consequences  (for example:  lose for 6 weeks if grades are low, give back if used at inappropriate times, etc.).
• Changing Traditions: If you are making some changes to your traditional holiday gift spending plans, let the children know and do it gradually so they are not disappointed.  If you have a tradition of spending $500 per child on holiday gifts (not recommended), but can only spend $100 this year due to changing financial situations, let them know gift giving will be different this year.  Encourage them to be part of the change by reducing their own spending or coming up with non-financial gift ideas.

Here are some gift giving ideas that emphasize gratitude:

• Donations: Donate money to a charity on your child’s behalf helping them to “sharing with those less fortunate.”  Allow older children the option of picking their charity.
• Coupons: Create a coupon book of special things that can be used throughout the year, such as staying up an extra hour, a chore-free day, family movie night, bike ride day, etc.
• Pictures: Whether photos, color copies, or hand-drawn pictures, provide memories of special moments throughout the year in a picture frame, scrapbook, photo book or poster.  Decorate a picture frame with a favorite photo for a special touch.
• Memory Book: Create a memory book story (fiction or non-fiction) of your child using real photos of them from the year.  Add to the book each year with a new “story.”
  Baked Items: Bake your child’s favorite holiday cookies, cakes or meal.  Or let them help you bake all of your favorite holiday treats, package them up and deliver them to family and friends.
• Special Letters: Create a special letter to your child.  Include your views on what is going on in their life, a special moment in the year, how proud they were of him/her, or your thoughts and hopes for their future.  I’ve passed this tradition onto my children who in turn write special holiday letters of their own to me.
• Contributions: Encourage your child to purchase small gifts for their siblings or grandparents using their own money (from chores, allowance, etc).  Taking them to the 99 Cent Store for a small item will mean more to the giver and the receiver if it is purchased with your child’s own money and thoughtfulness.

What special messages or learnings do you want your children to take away from their holiday experience – a sense of entitlement or gratitude?  You have an opportunity to make a difference in their life now and in the future … one present at a time.

1 [Desert News, “The age of entitlement: Selfishness is rampant, but can be corrected, experts say” August 28, 2011]

For teens and 20-somethings today, stress has become an increasing problem. Preparing for and taking finals, with pressure to review, complete projects, and get good grades, is too much to do, and not enough time. It can create even more stress

A “Stress in America: Are Teens Adopting Adults’ Stress Habits?” survey was conducted by Harris Interactive Inc., on behalf of American Psychological Association in August 2013. Results among the 1,950 adults and 1,018 teens surveyed in the U.S. suggested that unhealthy behaviors associated with stress may begin manifesting early in our lives.

Of the 18-to 33-year-olds surveyed:

• 39% say their stress has increased in the past year.
• 52% say stress has kept them awake at night in the past month.
• More than any other age group, they report being told by a healthcare provider that they have either depression or have an anxiety disorder.

Finals don’t need to lead to stress and stress-related illnesses if one takes time to relax. Relaxing during test-taking season can be a strange concept. However, relaxing may not only prevent the negative effects on your body, it may also help improve your study preparations.

Here are a few tips for taking time for yourself during your test-taking season.

GENERAL STRATEGIES

Prepare & Organize throughout the Year

The better you study during the year (i.e.: keep good notes, maintain your files and binders), the better prepared you will be to tackle tests, mid-terms, and finals. If you haven’t done it throughout the year, start organizing what you have now.

• Create file folders for each class to contain your notes
• Gather all past tests and quizzes that might be used for the test
• Find correct answers to anything you missed or on anything which you were unclear

Fuel Your Body

Like gas in a car, your body will not “drive” and be best prepared for tests if you don’t properly take care of it.

• Eat regular and healthy meals – Filling your body with junk food can slow you down, and starving it bumps your body into a stress response.
• Get plenty of sleep – Trying an all-nighter throws your body into a stress response. Do your best to keep with your regular (healthy) sleep routine of 7-9 hours per night (or whatever is optimal for you). Sleeping too much or too little can also affect you long past finals. 
• Refrain from energy and sleep enhancers – Drinking coffee and caffeinated sodas to keep you awake and taking sleeping pills at night throws off your body’s natural ability to regulate your sleep and wake cycles. Save the alcohol for the after finals celebration (if you choose). Alcohol disrupts sleep.

Take Breaks

Unless you have found what Psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi calls being in the “flow” – enjoying what you are studying so much that time flies by – make sure you schedule and take regular breaks. When you take your breaks and for what duration depends much on your age, your personality, your attention span, your study load, or how much you like or struggle with a specific subject.

• For starters, try to study for a full hour with a 15-minute break.
• Set a timer to make sure to keep you both on task and on break for the time designated.
• Find a rhythm that works for you.
• Another time break option is using the Pomodoro Technique.

MANAGING LONGER BREAKS

Studying should not be a 24/7 job. Set aside time for longer “breaks” during your test preparation season. This can include an hour or a half-day of non-study related activities. Print off and check the list of break-time relaxation strategies ideas below. Which ones could you do in 15-minutes, and which would you consider during an hour or longer break?

Break Time Relaxation Strategies

Move Your Body

Closing yourself off to the outside world or chaining yourself to the library desk will do you no good. Get your body and mind going again by getting up and moving.

• Go for a walk – around the neighborhood, with the dog, with a friend
• Play some music and dance around your room
• Do a chore or two such as washing dishes or folding the laundry
• Go to the gym or do some stretches or exercises in or around your home

Challenge Your Mind

Taking mental breaks can recharge your mind.

• Play Sudoku, crossword puzzles, or solitaire
• Play a video, X-Box, PS4, or smartphone game
• Review a book of riddles

Socialize with Others

Let others know you are human. Connect with others for a change of pace.

• Talk on the phone, text, IM chat, FaceTime, etc. with a friend or family member
• Go to the movies, dinner, or the mall with friends or family members
• Check out Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and other forms of Social Media connections

Tickle Your Funny Bone

Laughter is the greatest medicine for lifting the spirits and relaxing the body.

• Read the funny pages
• Watch a funny movie
• Watch funny YouTube videos

Change Your Scenery

Get out of your study environment and go exploring.

• Go for a drive
• Go to the beach or mountains
• Go window shopping at the mall

Pause and Relax

Slow down the pace by finding an activity that truly allows your body to relax.

• Belly Breathing
• Yoga
• Massage
• Nap
• Bubble bath
• Meditation

Find Pleasure in Small Things

In our fast-paced world, we sometimes miss out on enjoying the simple things in life. Stop and notice them.

• Sip a warm cup of tea (My guilty pleasure is a Starbucks chai tea latte, yum!)
• Watch babies or small children play
• Smell flowers, lotions, or perfume/cologne

Tap into Your Creativity

Activating the creative side of your brain may help you better focus on studying in the long run. You may just find a creative way to accomplish a study problem you had been working on!

• Draw or paint
• Write poetry
• Do arts and crafts

Ignite Your Senses

Activate different parts of your brain by finding ways to engage all 5 senses. It gives part of your brain a break, while allowing another part to play.

• Taste – Bake something yummy, drink warm tea
• Touch – Fur therapy (pet an animal), squeeze a stress ball, pop bubble wrap
• Sound – Listen to music, the birds, ocean waves
• Sight – Go people watching, glance through Pinterest or Instagram
• Smell – Flowers, lotions, perfume/cologne, incense

Explore Your Emotions

Having strong emotions? Take time to reflect on them and vent to get them out.

• Journal or Blog
• Talk to a trusted friend, family members, or life coach

Don’t become a stress statistic. Learn healthy stress-reduction techniques now. One or two changes in your preparation habits could be the difference between acing a test or merely passing.

Good luck!

A few years ago, my sister-in-law gave me a book called The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up by Marie Kondo. At the time, the 4 youngest of our 5 children were still going in and out of the house. Our “home sweet home” quickly became a place of function and utility, yet it was missing some joy. Why?

When my Type-A brain is going a million miles a minute in a chaotic world of unrest and on-the-go, my outside world seems to follow suit.

What do I mean by that?

My desk is covered with notes and client files I “don’t have the time” to put away. My laundry piles (yes, that’s plural) pop up in various places. The used dishes are stacked up in the sink. The mail remains unopened on my bathroom counter.

Please tell me I’m not the only one!

The KonMari method is Marie Kondo’s system of simplifying and organizing your home. It begins by holding the item in your hand or line of sight, and asking, “Does this spark joy?” While I haven’t used the KonMari method in totality, it fits nicely with a set of philosophies I use for myself and my clients when “clearing space.”

It’s springtime! Whether you’re clearing space in your physical surroundings, in a room or house, or your metaphysical ones, a relationship or in life, there is no better time to focus on organizing your home and restoring some of its joy.

Here are some tips based on the KonMari Method as well as tactics I use with my own clients.

1. Make the Most of Your Time

According to the KonMari Method, instead of cleaning one room a day, devote a full day (or weekend) to cleaning. “If you only tidy one room at a time over an extended period of time, it will wind up getting messy again in a matter of a few weeks or months.”

For some of my clients (and myself) this theory can be daunting. If it intimidates you, or you simply don’t have a large chunk of time to dedicate to cleaning, start small. Focus on your purse or wallet, kitchen drawer, dining room table, or closet. Build momentum and you just might find yourself in what Psychologist Mihály Csíkszentmihályi calls “being in the flow” – enjoying what you are doing so much that the cleaning doesn’t feel like work!

2. Identify “Energy Leaks” verses “Sparks Joy”

I often find my clients are more focused on what’s not working in their lives than what sparks their joy. If that’s the case for you, start with identifying the “energy leaks.”

“Energy leaks” are those things that drain your joy, time, and/or energy. It could be:

• Not being able to find your purse, wallet, keys, or important homework/work papers
• Stepping over piles of clothes on your bedroom floor to access your closet
• Sorting through a basket of clean laundry to find what to wear in the morning
• Having to search through the piles of papers on your desk to find a file, stapler, or even your phone
• Sifting through your kitchen drawer to find the spatula
• Finding that overdue utility bill at the bottom of your pile of mail on the dining room table

Identifying and managing the “energy leaks” may free up your energy to focus on more positive things such as what bring you joy and happiness.

Marie Kondo’s lessons show that “in focusing on what does not make you happy, you’re only inviting unhappiness into your life. If you look around your home and dwell on those items you can’t stand, you’re just generating more negativity.” At the same time, by focusing your positive energy on the resolution to these leaks, you are creating more happiness in your life.

3. Visualize the Goal

Before you start throwing things out, visualize what your ideal lifestyle would be in your home.
Sit or lay down in a quiet area and close your eyes. Imagine yourself walking through each area of your room or home. Reflect on these questions using all five of your senses.

• What do you see? Do you see colorful couch pillows in place, a bouquet of flowers on your clean dining room table, or mail nicely placed in a drawer?
• What do you hear? Birds chirping cheerfully on your clean patio, the kids drawing joyfully while sitting at a clean dining room table, or your favorite music as you dance in your closet and try on nice outfits for a dinner date?
• How do you feel? Are you excited to open the door and enter your home, relaxed on the couch or in your bed, cozy near the roaring fire of the fire place?
• What are you touching? Can you feel the warm comforter on your bed, or the fuzzy fur of the cat curled up on your lap, the soft blanket as you lounge on your comfy couch in your nicely cleaned living room?
• What do you taste? Are you sipping hot tea at the nicely cleaned counter in your open kitchen, having a sit-down dinner of a nice Spring chicken salad and yummy sourdough bread with melted honey butter at your clean dining room table surrounded by your happy family?
• What do you smell? The sweet scent of baking chocolate chip cookies after finding that old unboxed mixer, the bouquet of spring flowers in a vase on your office desk, or the smell of freshly cleaned laundry folded and hung immediately after coming out of the warm dryer?

The KonMari Method teaches that by thinking in such concrete terms, you can more accurately visualize the home and lifestyle you wish to have. Engaging ALL of your senses creates a more enticing end-result than “I want to live in a clean house.” It clarifies your goals and motivates you to reach them.

If it helps inspire you, write a Future Letter to Yourself. Be specific and include your responses to the five senses questions. It should also have the date you plan to finish the cleaning process. Read the letter each night to remind you of your goal.

To further bring it to life, create a Vision or Reality Board. This would be a visual representation of what you’re trying to achieve. Think of it as a poster board containing words, phrases, and pictures representing your end goal. Hang it where you will see it daily.

Whether it is your kitchen utensil drawer, closet, living room, garage, or entire home, I hope this helps you think about what YOU can do to:

• Minimize the clutter,
• Stop the energy leaks, and
• Bring joy back into your living space!

When people find out I am life coach who works largely with teens, they often ask me what the biggest challenge is working with young people today. One of the biggest issues is the use and effect of technology.

And let’s be perfectly honest, this is not an issue that only effects teenagers. Today’s technology is pervasive. To function in today’s world, we all come in contact with tech.

Like most of you, a lot of what I hear about technology today is negative. I’m reminded of the July 2016 cover story by Psychology Today. The cover of that issue had a couple lying in bed with an iPad between them. The title, “Ménage à Trois: Is Tech Sabotaging Your Love Life?”

From warnings about screen time to blue light and everything in-between, it seems we often lose sight of the larger issue of taking the responsibility to manage technology in our daily lives.

What we really need to explore is how technology hinders us and how it helps us.

Hinder vs. Help

Hinder

When viewing how we are using technology, we need to ask ourselves in what way does tech get in the way of our relationships, our ability to get work done, and even our sleep.

Distraction: Giving ourselves a few minutes of play or social interaction on a pad or a phone can help relieve the stress of the day, there are lots of instances where we are distracted to the point that we hamper our ability to interact with the world around us.

This distraction can become addictive when we are continuously drawn to it and can’t get away. This is using the distraction to avoid doing other things, or to numb ourselves from something we don’t want to face.

Curbs the ability to forge real relationships: We fear that kids today will not know how to communicate and act with the physical relationships necessary to live a normal life among the rest of us. They won’t know manners or how to behave at a job or in school. And largely, they are missing out on the lessons needed to understand the nuance of physical interactions with peers, family, co-workers, and others.

Cyber-Bullying: It’s almost too easy now-a-days to act out in anger, and to really hurt others. In that moment someone can take an image and angry words and it’s quick, click, send – it’s done.

Not only that, bullying is not like it used to be. It doesn’t always favor the bigger, stronger person with a mean streak. And you can’t simply avoid a bully in the hall or on the playground. A bully can strike out literally any time day or night, or even anonymously.

Tech and driving: This includes making phone calls, texting, checking social media, even looking up directions while at the wheel. While this issue is one of distraction, the deadly possibilities warrant it being mentioned on its own.

Helps

Lest you think technology is all bad, there are plenty of instances in how beneficial it can be in our productivity and our ability to communicate and access information. But where many miss the good, is in how tech can help or aid us in our relationships.

Online dating: I hear more and more stories about people meeting online. From colleagues, to friends, and even to clients, there are a growing number of people who are finding their partners and spouses through online dating.

Connecting around the world: With today’s tech and connectedness, everyone is really only a swipe or a click away. I think back to a close friend I made in Brussells, Belgium back in 1998. After our time there, we lost touch. I moved back the states. She moved to Japan. We both got married and had children. We were just so busy. It really took FaceBook for us to reconnect and become part of each other’s lives again.

Apps beyond texting: Even gaming is more interactive than it ever has been before. I see my son and his friends wearing their headphones and playing games, but they also interact with one another as they play.

Some other apps that make relationships easier to manage are:

– GroupMe

        It’s like a private chat room for your inner circle.

– MarcoPolo

        It allows you to exchange video messages on the go, whether your schedules match or not.

– HouseParty

        You can meet your friends for a group video chat.

– Other video conferencing apps

        I really like Zoom, Skype and FaceTime.

How I began to integrate tech into my practice and my life

I started my life coaching business ten years ago. When I started, I decided to focus on teens and to only offer in-house sessions. I felt it was necessary in order to build a rapport with my clients.

At that time, it also meant I had to stay local to the San Diego area. My practice has grown to include many adult clients as well as business clients. Some went off to college or moved away. As my scope expanded, I had to find ways to support my clients. Thankfully, technology was offering solutions.

I started with Skype, as a way to video conference my appointments. Since then, clients have continued to introduce other apps to keep in touch. Facetime, Google Hangouts, and my favorite, Zoom are a regular part of my sessions.

Being able to talk face-to-face is vitally important for rapport, as well as creating a close connection with them.
I had one client who had spent much of her youth in the Pageant world. She realized that a large part of her life was centered on appearance. She had to be completely put together at all times. Hair, makeup, stylish clothing, and a big smile, and that was just to go work out!

Having an option to go onto Zoom, to keep her appointment with me and not go through that was liberating for her. It allowed her to relax. She even had a towel around her head once. We’d both show up with no makeup, or even wearing a baseball cap. We just got real with each other.

Another app I have really come to like is MarcoPolo. It is a great way to be involved with a client between sessions. They can just shoot me a short video, and I can give a short response. It enables me to see, hear and read all those non-verbal cues that add to the conversation.

It’s proven a great way to:

– Celebrate victories

– Tell me about challenges they’re facing

– Or even just to vent

What can you do build healthy relationships aided by tech and with tech?

Technology isn’t going anywhere. Our need to have fulfilling and healthy relationships in this technological world is as strong as ever. We need to make sure that we are using our devices to help our relationships, not hinder them.

To do this we need to do three things with the technology in our lives. Assess, Challenge, and Support.

Assessment

Think about the relationships you have in your life. How do you interact with that person regularly? Does tech play a part? Does it help or hinder? How so?

Challenge

What are those ways in which the tech isn’t working? Which technology is hindering your ability to have a healthy relationship with that person. Think of ways to challenge yourselves to work through the technology.

I’m currently on Day 7 of a “Turning Off Notifications” challenge. Essentially, I turned off every notification on my phone.

I’ll admit that on Day One, I went into full-on FOMO mode. (For the uninitiated, that’s Fear Of Missing Out.) I checked phone every 10 minutes. When I realized this, it made me assess what technology was in my life.

As the days progressed, I continued to assess my usage. I realized I really only checked five apps regularly.
So, now. I know which are most important. This challenge focused me on what tech I used and needed most.

Support

What actions or resources can you use to help build healthy relationships…with healthy uses of tech?

Looking at my assessment of my “Turn Off Notifications” challenge, I’ve decided to change my notification settings. I will not put notifications back for all five of my regular apps. Instead, phone calls and texts will be the only notifications I get. Largely, because I need to have contact with family and clients in case of emergencies.

For the other three, I will block of time daily for reviewing them. I will put them into the parts of my day that make sense. Email is something I had already changed my approach to. I check emails in the morning and in the evening. That’s it. There is rarely an email that is so urgent it requires an immediate response.

Some other examples of support measures you can take:

No toys at the table: I always told my children they could not bring their LEGOs and dolls and such to the dinner table. But slowly, our cell phones made their way in. In fact, my husband and I brought ours first, and the kids followed suit. In our house, or in a restaurant, no phones are allowed while we’re eating.

Stacking: This is a fun way to encourage you and your friends to lose the phones when you’re out. Take all your phones and stack them up in the middle of the table. The first person who grabs their phone, pays for everyone!

Pay attention in the front seat: My youngest son is learning to drive. So, I’ve implemented a no-phone while in the front seat rule. This allows him to be an active participant while I drive. As things occur, I point out to him different situations, how I react to them, and ask what he notices going on around him. As an added bonus, it forces us to interact with each other, and I find that we have a lot of meaningful conversation as a result.

Tech and sleep don’t mix: Turn off all your tech 30 minutes before you go to sleep. There are loads of studies pointing to how technology, EMF’s in particular, disrupt sleep. Giving yourself time to wind down and prepare for bed can help the quality of your sleep. In fact, I go one step further. There’s no screens in our bedrooms. Televisions can be just as disruptive as an iPad.

Set clear times for use: When I first started my practice, and I’m sure this is true for many entrepreneurs out there as well, I worked all the time. I was on my computer in the morning until almost bed time. This was disruptive to my whole family. What we settled on was a 5 pm deadline for powering down. There were special circumstances on Wednesdays, but it became a part of the schedule.

Set an absolute schedule for when you must be done for the day and stick to it.

Change the format: If you find that you interact with someone on only on one app or in only one way, try moving to different technology, or a different app. For instance, if you game with someone on a regular basis, try exchanging video message on MarcoPolo. Make it more of a face-to-face interaction. If there’s a group of you, try all meeting on HouseParty.

You can always be completely radical and old-fashioned and make a phone call or meeting for a coffee. And if you’re just not comfortable speaking around people, you can try Toastmasters to build up your conversational skills.

Overall, technology itself is not unhealthy, but our use of it can be. It is up to us to assess, challenge, and choose how we use it to best serve our relationships with others.

May 1st is National Decision Day which means the pressure is on for high school seniors to make their final college decisions. All (or most) acceptance letters have been received and now it’s time to make that final decision.

In March 2019 the “College Admissions Scam” was the news of the month. A slew of wealthy parents was indicted on fraud charges for paying large sums of money to falsify college admissions documents and get their children into elite universities.

These parents included celebrities, attorneys, and CEOs spending as much as $6.5 Million for a single child. Over 800 families were involved in 10-plus years. For every student that got in under false pretenses, there was a student, a worthwhile student, who did not get in.

Why does this happen?

There is a lot of stress and pressure placed on both students and parents in getting into college. As a life coach and a parent, this scam angers me, but it is an exception to the typical choices applicants and their parents make.

So, while I’m compelled to mention the scam and its implications. Let’s move on to more exciting choices…yours.

The Way it Really Works

For those who are seniors in high school with hopes of going onto college right after high school, congratulations! By April, you should be receiving all or most of your acceptance letters.
Your biggest decision NOW is making the final choice.

As each college acceptance graces your mailbox, compare it against the ones you have already received. Prioritize them, or at least identify which are the top two choices to-date.

By the time you’ve heard back from all of your applications, you should have a pretty good idea of the top two selections. Making it an either/or decision can alleviate a lot of the anxiety around your final choice.

5 Ways to Choose

Are you still struggling with the decision? Remember, it’s not all about facts and figures; weighing your thoughts and feelings can help you decide your educational future.

Here are some exercises that can take some of the guesswork out of making your choice.

1. Review Original Selection Criteria

Review the options you considered when selecting these colleges in the first place.

– Are you still interested in the majors provided by each school?

– Are your second options for a major available?

– How do you feel about where the school’s located? What is the weather like? How far is it from home? Is it in a big city? Is it safe place?

– How do you feel about the size of the campus and the student body?

– What other criteria did you use in selecting these two schools in the first place? Write these criteria down side-by-side so you can see where each choice lands.

2. Weigh Financial Options

Attending college is a financial investment. Most every student receives some kind of school loan. How much does an education cost?

With a database of around 4,000 schools, The College Board indicates the average 2018-2019 annual school year published tuition and fees prices ranges from $17,490 to $39,400. (This is based on out-of-state tuitions for public, four-year institutions.)

You may have also received financial aid offers. Analyze whether the school with the higher cost is worth it. Whoever is footing the bill, or making significant financial contributions, for you to attend college should be a part of this decision.

3. Get a Feel for the Campus

– Get a feel for campus life. If possible, take another campus tour.

– Reach out to others who have attended that school to see what they liked or didn’t like about it.

– Look the schools up on social media or the internet to see what other students say.

– Get a vibe of the school on an informational site like College Confidential.

– Check out what students say about the faculty on Rate My Professors.

4. Listen to Yourself

Talk through your options with a trusted family member, friend, or life coach. Touch on all of the points that matter most to you.

Don’t have someone you feel you can truly listen without inputting their own bias? Make a video of yourself talking through your options. Continue talking for 5 minutes, or as long as you can, about all the pros and cons for each college.

Once you have exhausted your monologue, play back the recording. Does it sound like you have already made up your mind and are just convincing yourself of the other option?

As a life coach, I listen not only to WHAT a client says in regards to their college choices, but HOW they say it. Often, they have already made the decision, but aren’t able to hear it in themselves.

Listen for themes, passions, and disinterests – much of which is non-verbal in the tone of your voice, your eye-movements, and posture. This is all about connecting your head and heart in making a decision that suits you.

5. Flip a Coin

It may sound silly, but it just might do the trick!

Set your mind to finally make that college decision solely on heads equaling College X and tails equaling College Y.

– First, notice your thoughts while the coin is in the air. What college are you rooting for? 

– How do you feel about the college identified by the side of the coin landing face up?

– NOTE: This process will ONLY work if you truly set your mind to believing the decision will be made by chance. The power is in what you think and feel about the randomly chosen college.

Choosing a college is a big decision. Your life experiences for the next few years will be determined by where you go to college. Don’t rush into deciding too quickly. Assuming you applied to these colleges wisely, either college you attend should be a great match. You have come a long way in making your decision thus far.

The bottom line is you are concerned about picking the RIGHT COLLEGE. You may feel overwhelmed, and the choice seems as if your life depends on it. But don’t fool yourself into thinking you can make a WRONG choice, one where your life is over and all of your dreams will now go unfulfilled.

Instead, reframe your rhetoric. Make your choice and ask yourself, “How do I make the most out of the college I’ve chosen.”

But unlike the rest of the natural world, we humans create stress in our minds. Without being in any real physical danger, our physiological response is the same.

Don’t get me wrong, stress can be a great motivator. We need stress in order to move forward and to strive for new goals. But we often allow our stress to build without giving it a conscious thought.

We all wear our stress differently. It’s important to recognize how stress manifests itself in you. For me, I wear my shoulders like earrings. When I feel that tension in my neck and shoulders, I know I’m reacting to the stressors around me.

If you notice that your body is reacting to stress, whether subtly or in a can’t-sleep-at-2:32 AM way, you can use physical tools to calm your body and lessen your stress.

Where can YOU take a break, BREATHE, and slow down?

Breathing exercises are a good way to relieve stress and build resiliency.  There are lots of breathing exercises you can do to help relax.  Belly Breathing is one of the easiest to learn, and you don’t need any special equipment.  You can do it whenever you want, but I don’t recommend doing it while driving.

Instructions:

– Sit, stand, or lie flat in a comfortable position.

– Put one hand on your belly just below your ribs.

– Close your eyes.

– Slowly inhale through your nose, counting to 8 in your mind.  Let your belly push your hand out as if you were filling up a balloon in your stomach.

– Let the air out from your mouth, counting to 8 in your mind as it leaves your lungs.  Feel the hand on your belly go in, and use it to push all the air out as if you were deflating a balloon in your stomach.

– Repeat the breathing pattern 3 – 12 times, or as long as you’d like.

Notice how you feel at the end of the exercise.  Why?  It gives your body oxygen and slows your heart rate.

If you had troubles breathing in and out for the counts of 8, try a shorter count of 6 or 4.  Gradually increase your counts to 8 (or more).  Not being able to count up to 8 seconds may mean you need to spend more time focusing on your breath, and strengthening your ability to slow down and control your breathing.

How does stress manifest in you? And when do you find time to stop and breathe?

If you are planning on attending college in the future, or have a loved one who is, chances are you have looked into scholarships and how they can allay the cost of your tuition. Here are seven tips to help you on your road to higher education.

One: Scholarships are a gift.

With the rise in tuition, seeking funding should be a part of your college preparation process. As a teen, there is a high likelihood that you will need help meeting these costs. Whoever assists you with your college tuition, whether it be your parents or your rich aunt Martha, you can save them some money.

And if you decide to utilize a college loan, that is a debt you can spend years paying off. Why not see if you can get some help that you don’t have to pay back? It only costs you time and academic effort.

Two: Scholarships come in all shapes and sizes.

Many scholarships are merit-based, meaning you earn them by meeting or exceeding certain established criteria. Other scholarships are based on financial need. A merit-based scholarship might be awarded based on academic achievement, special talent, trait, or interest. But your household income may be too high to qualify you for a similar need-based scholarship.

Still other scholarships are geared toward particular groups of people. For example, there are scholarships for women, employees, children of employees, military families, ethnic groups, and religious or organization members, just to name a few.

As for how much of the cost a scholarship might cover, it runs the gamut. You may be awarded the entire cost of your tuition, or it could be a one-time award of a few hundred dollars. Either way, it’s worth applying for. It all helps reduce the cost of your education.

Three: You don’t have to pay money to find money.

There are tons of FREE resources that you can utilize to find the scholarships that fit your needs. Such as:

– the financial aid office at a college or career school
– a high school counselor
– the U.S. Department of Labor’s FREE scholarship search tool
– federal agencies
– your state grant agency
– your library’s reference section
– foundations, religious or community organizations, local businesses, or civic groups
– organizations (including professional associations) related to your field of interest
– ethnicity-based organizations
– your employer or your parents’ employers

The internet has become a fantastic tool for students. FastWeb.com is a great resource for exploring how to maximize your student dollar and to find scholarships related to your interest. Chegg.com has its own scholarship page. There is even a Scholarships.com. To maximize your search, you may want to sign up for one or more online resources.

Also, complete the FAFSA (Free Application for Federal Student Aid) early. I’d say as early as October of your senior year of high school. The application is used to determine the amount of college expenses you or your family will be expected to pay. All federal grants and loans are determined by the FAFSA, and nearly all colleges use the FAFSA as the basis for their own financial aid awards.

Always make sure that the scholarship information and offers you receive are legitimate. Be cautious of any sites asking for money to find your scholarships. Some of them are scams.

Four: Your scholarship application is due soon.

Each and every scholarship has a deadline for when applications are due. Some are as early as a year before college starts. So, if you’re in high school now, you should be researching and applying for scholarships during the summer between your junior and senior years.

There are even some scholarships that will allow you to apply for college as early as 12-years-old (though they are rare). In other words, don’t wait until you have been accepted to your college to start looking into scholarships. Start, at least, in your junior year of high school, preferably as early as your freshman year of high school.

Five: Already accepted into college? Your scholarship application is due now!

Even if you are already accepted into college, you should still look to see what scholarships may still be available to you. Different scholarships have deadlines every month of the year.

In fact, you should CONTINUE to apply for scholarships throughout your college years. I have a work colleague who paid for her entire undergraduate degree and part of her upper graduate degrees solely by applying for scholarships throughout her time as a student.

Six: Keep track of who is giving you money…and who isn’t.

Don’t try to keep a mental log of your scholarships. If you apply for more than three, and you will need to if you truly want to earn a scholarship, there are too many variables to consider.

Do a quick online search for “Scholarship Tracking Spreadsheets.” (There’s those helpful internet tools again!) You will find a wide variety of available trackers. One of my favorites resources is the “Stay On-Track with a Scholarship Application Organizer” page on the unigo.com site. It gives you a great idea of what to have on a spreadsheet as well as a link to your very own, downloadable spreadsheet.

If you prefer to create your own, a scholarship tracking spreadsheet should include:

– Scholarship name
– Scholarship provider
– Contact information
– URL for additional information or online application
– Deadline date
– Award amount
– Criteria (age, grade, GPA, etc.)
– Documentation required (transcript, financial records, letters of recommendation, essays, etc.)

Seven: Free money is never boring.

Granted, many scholarship applications take time and preparation. But the work is insignificant next to the amount of time you devote to studying, or the time you will spend working, just to pay off student debts.
But not all scholarships are boring. There are some REALLY fun scholarships out there.

One of my favorite scholarships that I’ve found is on the cirkledin.com Scholarships page. It’s the “Master of Minions Scholarship” worth $1,000 with a deadline of 4/30/19.

There’s no minimum GPA and no long essay to write. Here’s the description from the website:

Tell us what you’d have your Minions do!

Have you ever wished you could multiply yourself into a dozen or so people in order to accomplish some really, big goal, task, or project? Have you ever thought, “If only I had more time or resources, I could conquer the world!”? Enter – the Minions! While these cute little guys are usually known for doing more harm than good, in this scenario they exist to carry out your greatest desire.

Now imagine that you get a team of Minions for a week. What would you have them do?

In 3 sentences, tell us What you would have them do?

Doesn’t that sound like fun? It certainly is far less labor-intensive than many other scholarships out here. I just happened to come across this fun scholarship, and there are many of them out there.

But keep in mind, scholarships like this, ones with few requirements and ease of entry, will have a LOT MORE applicants than those scholarships with more qualifications.

Don’t wait to start the scholarship process, and don’t stop once you’ve received your acceptance letters. Find a system that helps you keep track of your scholarships and make the process fun.

Keep looking! You just might find the right scholarship that fits you. Remember, the ultimate goal is to help reduce the cost of your education tuition.

To students and parents alike, good luck!

As a life coach who has given workshops on stress over the last 25 years, I am always confronted with clients who need ways to cope with stress. There are a lot of ways to approach stress proactively. 

It is a very rare thing indeed that someone advocates for the stress in their life. But stress is an important, and in many cases a positive, influencer in our lives. The biggest benefit derived from stress is motivation.

Stress as Motivator

Physically, when you’re under stress, your body secretes adrenaline and large amounts of cortisol. Adrenaline increases your heart rate, elevates your blood pressure and boosts your energy. Cortisol, the primary stress hormone, increases the glucose (sugar) in your bloodstream, enhances your brain’s use of that glucose and increases the availability of substances that repair damaged tissues.

These chemical changes within us drive us to action. We are ready to move forward, to focus on important details, and increase our energy levels. If you think about the details of that, we are in fight-or-flight mode.

Robert M. Sapolsky talks about this in his fantastic book, Why Zebras Don’t Get Ulcers. On the level of pure biology, this physiological response is the ideal chemical boost to help zebras avoid physical danger.

Humans too are prone to the same physiology of fight-or-flight. The essential difference is the intellectual capacity of the human mind can initiate an identical physiological response to non-physical and non-life-threatening stimuli.

The advantage of our response to these stressors is that it motivates us to move past the physical state of stress. Pressure at school can have us better focused when we are taking tests, studying, or working on a big project. We are more motivated to ask for that date. We want to reach our goal and return to our relaxed state.

Stress as Idea

Sapolsky also states that his zebra, once it has reached safety, immediately calms itself and allows the adrenaline and cortisol levels to lower. In short, the danger is gone, and that means the stress goes with it.

Remember that essentially different human mind? Remember how we can manifest the same physiological response by merely thinking about stress?

The world we live in does little to treat us as prey. Most of us don’t encounter life-and-death situations during our daily lives, but our human-made stressors abound.

I’m writing this article in mid-April. In the United States, this month is recognized as a very stressful time. So much so, in fact, that it has been declared National Stress Awareness Month. Income taxes are due on the 15th. Many schools administer state-mandated testing throughout this month. High school seniors are waiting for college acceptance letters, deciding what they want to do with their futures, or even just hoping to graduate.

Even as these events come to pass, they often lead to new decisions to make, new demands to satisfy, and new stressors that are all too happy to replace the old ones.

Stress as Killer

We keep stress in our body. Or, more accurately, we keep our body in a stressed state. Unlike Sapolsky’s zebra, we are not giving ourselves the chance to relax and clear the cortisol from our bloodstreams.

The physical toll of living in stress is varied. Our hearts are at greater risk because of the increased heart rate it’s subjected to regularly and without rest. Other physical manifestations are ulcers and compromised immune systems, allowing us to get sick more easily. There are even studies that show prolonged exposure to stress can increase your likelihood of cancer.

We can kill ourselves with stress.

Recognizing Stress

Even if we don’t readily see these ailments, there are often physical signs.

We each keep stress in our body in different ways. My neck and lower back are my weak points. They get tense and ache. Some people get sweaty palms or have stomach issues. Each of these are physical manifestations of our stress.

Many of us don’t even recognize we are living with stress until we are physically feeling the effects. I liken it to the analogy of boiling a frog.

If you drop a frog into a pot of hot water, its first instinct is to hop out as fast as it can. There is a jarring stimulus that immediately triggers the frog’s fight-or-flight mode.

However, if you drop that same frog into a pot of lukewarm water, and slowly adjust the heat higher and higher, it doesn’t notice the signs of distress until it is far too late. It boils.

We do the same thing. We let the stress build around us until we can’t handle it, or until we are feeling the tell-tale effects of living with stress.

What we need to do first, is recognize the physiological signs of our stress. As I said before, my neck and lower back are my weak points. I know when I get tension there, some of it may be physical. But the discomfort automatically triggers my thoughts and makes me evaluate what else may be causing it.

So, evaluate what your body tells you when you’re feeling stressed, and watch for those signs. Constant stress influences our comfort and quality of life. Recognizing this can help you lessen its impact.

Making Stress Less

Managing our stress isn’t as simple as it is for that zebra. As soon as the predator leaves the herd alone, the zebra’s motto is, “Out of sight, out of mind.” We tend to dwell on those things that cause us duress. It’s not easy for us to eliminate the stressors in our lives. If it was, they wouldn’t be very stressful.

There are three key things to think about when you’re trying to lessen the impact of negative stress in your life.

1. Identify and recognize your physiological and physical stress responses

We covered this earlier, but it is essential and bears repeating. Take inventory of your body and what it feels like during moments of stress. Know how you tense up, ache, get queasy, sweat, crave chocolate, or laugh nervously.

There are physical signs right there for you to take stock of that can help you identify when you need to take action.

2. Take advantage of regular activities that help you build up a resistance or resiliency to stress

In addition to the big things in life that cause us stress, there are many small stressors that fall well within our control. Things we can do to keep our bodies more relaxed. Thus, we will be more prepared for moments of stress.

Some things you can do include:

– Get enough sleep

– Eat regular balanced meals

– Engage in physical activity

       – This doesn’t necessarily mean going to the gym, just get out and move

– Practice yoga or meditation

– Strike a healthy balance of social interaction

– Seek professional help from a therapist or life coach

Some people are very resilient to stress. They are like a rubber band. Others snap easily. Much of this has to do with controlling those little stressors and building your resiliency.

3. Engage yourself within the moment

Recognizing the symptoms and building resiliency can go a long way to prepare you for demanding times. But there is no way to completely avoid the stresses of life.

You need to find ways to calm your body down when it is reacting to stress. There are a lot of methods, so one is bound to work for you. For some, it’s a power nap. Others like to take a quick walk around the block. Even others schedule massages, pedicures, haircuts, or some other physical treat for themselves.

One of my favorite techniques is the belly breath. In less than 15 minutes, this deep-breathing exercise helps to raise your oxygen levels and slow your heart rate. It won’t remove the stressor, but it will allow your body some recovery time, and perhaps give you a new perspective on what’s eating at you.

So, take stock of your life, welcome your motivators, and work on your stressors. Regardless of the tension you feel, you need to take care of your body.

Do you know what this Sunday is? Well, if you are in the Unites States AND know of a mother special to you (Hint: this could include your wife), Mother’s Day 2019 is this Sunday, May 12th.

Mother’s Day is observed in different ways throughout the world. Celebrations of mothers and motherhood can be traced back to the ancient Greeks and Romans, who held festivals in honor of the mother goddesses Rhea and Cybele. While dates and celebrations vary around the world, Mother’s Day traditionally involves presenting moms with flowers, cards and other gifts.

Our mothers help us with so much, and, let’s be honest, she gets little reward beyond the satisfaction of a job well done. Most of our moms are overworked, and now it’s time to give her a chance to relax. How you celebrate your mother depends on your relationship with her and her personal needs and wishes. The goal is to honor mom in a manner in which SHE would like to be honored.

So, whether that means getting a few extra Zs or taking a casual day trip with the family, here are some general themes to help you find what Mom might like best.

Ten themes to honor Mom

1. Connect & Reconnect – Sometimes the best present is presence.

In our busy lives, we sometimes forget to or don’t have the time to be truly present with the people around us. Take the time to sit with her or give her a call. Truly listen to what she is saying and engage in the conversation. Be curious about her, her history, her interests, or her hopes and dreams.

2. Food – Food is a great source of celebratory connection.

What are her favorite foods? Where is her favorite place to go? Does she like to cook? You may be able to answer these questions yourself. Based on what you know, or what she asks for, here are some suggestions of how to honor your mom with food:

– Make a meal special – in home or out, with a few people or many

– Make a meal together

– Bake together

– Serve her breakfast in bed

– Go out for drinks or serve her favorite special beverage at home

3. Pamper Her – Give her the care she deserves.

With all the work that Mom has put into raising her children, this is a good day for pampering. With so many responsibilities, most moms put aside their personal needs for their health and stress management. Self-care is a crucial part revitalizing a body and mind. Help Mom out with one of these pampering activities:

– Breakfast in bed

– A quiet morning for her to sleep a little later

– A massage

– A facial

– A mani-pedi

– Take her to the salon for a haircut and style

– Hang out together at the spa

4. Family Day– Motherhood is part of her identity. Surround her with family.

Whether with the extended family or the immediate household, you can plan a fun family day. (Just be certain that YOU are taking care of the details, not her.) It can be at home, the park or anywhere else you know she enjoys. Groupon is a great source for ideas. Here’s a short list of other possibilities:

– Binge watch a Netflix series with popcorn, pizza, and dessert

– Spend the day at the pool, beach, lake, or park

– Go to Disneyland, Universal Studies, or another amusement park

– Catch a movie

– Plan a novel experience like an Escape Room or Axe Throwing

– Go on a road trip or a tour of your city

– Sing karaoke

– Take a bike ride

– Pack a picnic lunch

– Go glamping or camping

– Create a scavenger hunt (if she’s into things like that)

5. Retail Therapy – This does NOT include the grocery store!

Whether you give her gift cards, set up a shopping date wither her friends, or just time for herself, create the time for her to do some shopping. Let her know she can update her wardrobe, get a summer bathing suit, or anything else. Make sure she knows she is shopping for herself. Some retail options she may enjoy are:

– Mall Shopping

– Online or catalogue shopping

– Farmer’s Market

– Flea Market

– Antique Shopping

6. Hobbies & Interests – While family may be her focus, chances are high she likes some other things too.

What does your mom like to do? Is there anything she’s expressed an interest in and hasn’t done? Depending on the activity, this could be a family activity, a one-on-one activity, or a gift card for her to explore her interests. Perhaps, she would be interested in one of these activities:

– Cooking Classes

– Paint and sip class

– Concert

– Yoga classes or gym membership

– Wine tasting

– Tickets to a baseball game

– Plan a day hike

– Go to a gallery or museum

– Rent her dream car for a day

– Take a pottery class

– Tackle a home project together

– Get crafty – home or away

– Gardening

– Visit a winery

– Horseback riding

7. Lend a Helping Hand – It may be Mom’s day off, but stuff still needs to get done.

Do something for Mom that she usually does herself. Let her know her hard work does not go unnoticed and roll up your sleeves. It doesn’t have to be extravagant. You can help a lot by doing just one (or some) of these:

– Clean house

– Do chores like dishes and laundry

– Take care of the younger children for a day

– Wash her car

– Make the meals

– Grocery shop

8. Create Visual Memories – Show Mom the love!

Giving Mom something she can see, is a great idea. When she has a quiet moment, it’s something that she can study and contemplate. When life is busy, she only needs to glance at it to remind her that she is loved. Here are some ideas for the creative people and the rest of us:

– Do a photoshoot

– Give mom framed photos or a scrapbook

– Draw a special picture

– Create a family Vision Board together

9. Special Note – Your first word may have been “Mom,” but you know a lot more words now.

This one is my favorite. Some of my most precious gifts from my children are their cards, letters, and special drawings. In them, I see their love and appreciation. Every holiday (Mother’s Day, my birthday, Christmas) I tell my kids, “Don’t put your money into things, put your heart into whatever you choose to give. Let me know what I mean to you.”

10. Say “I love you!”

I hope I don’t need to expand on those three words.

Remember, it’s about honoring her. Don’t confuse what you want to do for mom compared to what she wants.

If she’d like a nice quiet morning without having to chase after babies and make everyone else breakfast, don’t try to get her up early for a large family in-home brunch. Allow her to sleep in, take care of some of the usual to-dos, you or older children make her breakfast in bed, and honor her with a nice massage or time with her favorite book.

Happy Mother’s Day! 

Famous American singer-songwriter, Billy Joel once sang that “honesty is such a lonely word,” suggesting that honesty is a very rare quality in all kinds of relationships – personal, professional, and social. If you were to be completely honest … truly honest … how often do you tell the truth? Now, if you genuinely answer that question, how do I know you are not lying?

Happy National Honesty Day!

National Honesty Day is celebrated in the USA on April 30th each year. It is a day that celebrates honesty and straightforwardness in all areas: politics, relationships, consumer relations, and historical education. Former press secretary M. Hirsh Goldberg of Maryland introduced this holiday in the early 1990’s as part of the process of writing his book The Book of Lies: Fibs, Tales, Schemes, Scams, Fakes, and Frauds That Have Changed the Course of History and Affect Our Daily Lives. This holiday is the antithesis of April Fool’s Day – a day which celebrates falsehoods, dishonesty, and various pranks. Thus, it’s placed at the opposite end of the month from its foolish cousin.

The concept for the day is simple: Ask direct questions without ulterior motives and expect brutally honest answers. For some, this could be the first step to creating clear communication between two individuals that allows proper understanding. Failing to be honest in any personal or professional relationships can lead to various problems.

Anyone who is observing this day can ask anyone they want a question and expect an honest answer in return. Of course, for this to work, the other person must not only be aware of this holiday but also willing be a participant. Perhaps most importantly, respondents also must be completely honest.

Defining Honesty

Honesty, I believe, starts with Integrity. According to Wikipedia, “Integrity is the practice of being honest and showing a consistent and uncompromising adherence to strong moral and ethical principles and values. In ethics, integrity is regarded as the honesty and truthfulness or accuracy of one’s actions.”

Integrity is more than just honesty; it is being in line with a specific set of values. So, it is that if you are in integrity, you are in line with your values.

Honest with Yourself

For you to be truly honest with yourself, you need to first look at your Values.

For the last 26 years as a life coach, I’ve worked with teenagers through C-Suite executives and defining values is an integral part for everyone.

One activity I like to do is a Values Sort. This includes a sort of 16 or more standard values in which you narrow down your top 5 and rank them. You can easily Google “Value Sort Card” and come up with various sorts to choose from.

For example, my highest values are – Family, Integrity, Love, Achievement, Education. But everyone iw different. It’s always fun to see what people come up with and why.

With your values defined, the real test is to see how you live out those values. To do this, I recommend a Values Test.

For this test you look at:

• Your last credit card or bank statement

• Your last month’s calendar or schedule

• The last month of pictures on your phone or camera

What you truly value are those things and experiences on which you spend money, spend time, and capture in memory.

Are your actions congruent with your espoused values? If not, why not? What will you choose to do about it?

Next, you need to look at your goals.

Goals are more than creating plans. They are a way to hold yourself accountable to what’s important to you and a way to strive to live a more authentic life.

Reviewing your goals is straight forward:

• Start by reflecting on your accomplishments of the last year. What are your wins & celebrations?

• Then, consider where you’d like to be a year from now. What goals have you set for yourself to get there? How much action have you taken?

The past goals you have set, and their successes and failures, teach you about your motivation and commitment to yourself. Are you in integrity? Have you been honest with the goals you set for yourself? Or have you lied to yourself, consciously or unconsciously, and sabotaged your own success?

(One of the things I do as a life coach is to tap into the wire of your brain using Neurolinguistics Programming. If you are curious what this is and how it might help you, get on my calendar for a free 20-minute phone consultation to find out more.)

Honest with Others

Even though I’ve separated this portion of honesty, it truly is a third step in being honest with yourself. Your relationships are an important part of being in integrity.

What do you look for in healthy relationships with others? These are people who support you when you need it and supporting them makes you feel good.

Do you have anyone who is toxic in your life? This is a person who drains your energy when you think of them or when you’re around them. They may be negative all the time. They may even be emotionally or physically abusive. Be honest with yourself and with them. Set boundaries, give feedback, and if necessary, remove them from your life.

A great exercise in feedback is to use the SBI model I’ve used for 26 years. This model allows you to be totally honest and approach them kindly, without putting them on defense. SIB stands for:

• Situation

By anchoring your feedback in a specific time and place, you create a clear image of the situation you want to discuss. There is also a voyeuristic element. You’ve just started a movie of what happened.

• Behavior

Address the behavior that impacted you. Use specific descriptions of both the verbal and non-verbal behaviors you witness and describe them without judgement or interpretation.

• Impact

Finally, describe the impact the behavior had on your thoughts and emotions.

Honesty is an important part of all relationships, whether it be with friends, family, or ourselves. By living in integrity, we give the world the best version of ourselves and live the most authentic life.